The Incredible Heart

 How many set backs can a heart survive? 

Let me make it clear at the start itself that by setback I do not mean heart-wrenching tragedy or indefinable suffering. But minor ones nevertheless potent enough to push one into the doldrums for longer spells. These may not appear as a matter of concern to the majority who may simply brush these away as non-existent. But for a heart, every time it gets cracked, it is a disaster, however minor it may look like. 

All those philosophical and self-help stuff keep harping on positive thinking and visualization and all those stuff that tend to push the heart into high hope gear, but only to bang into reverse in a short while. To be frank, I really have doubts about this positive visualization stuff. Because, if it were true, then I probably wouldn't be typing this post out, feeling cynicism literally bubbling in my veins!

Over the years, what my heart has learned, rather slowly, is that it is much better to remain neutral in all circumstances. Of course, this is something that all scriptures and philosophy ultimately state, yet it takes time for this to sink in properly.  The heart wishes, imagines, gets excited and then falls into the dungeon of despondency. Once this becomes a routine, things ought to get easier, one would think, but no way !

So, the answer to the question is -- infinite.

Celine Dion may not have intended this aspect when she sang "My heart will go on and on." But the line makes more sense in this context.

So, shrug, move on, until another idea to obsess over comes by.

PS:- Better not to entertain any idea. 

Patriotism

 Recently, there was an accidental but very short political debate with my friends. The argument peaked and came to an abrupt end when one of them remarked that if the present government returns to power at the centre, India would become Bharat. I was genuinely curious as to why that should be a problem, and bang came the reply -- it would spell the end of inclusivity -- rendered in a tone of helplessness. I was really shocked and before I could respond, the other friend categorically banished politics from our midst.

Well, this would be rather a common issue, I assume, being in a part of the country where the concept of Bharat is anything but welcome. Be that as it may, the intolerance I felt at this common 'regional' ideology is due to a radical reconfiguration of my own attitude a few years back. 

Patriotism was only a peripheral sentiment in my life, which surfaced only when India played cricket. Whenever my Ma used to say how moved she felt every time she heard the national anthem only set me wondering why. This was corrected the day I watched the anthem featuring deaf and mute children, played at a movie theatre. I was happy to see my eyes filling up, just like that. But even then patriotism was at best occasional.

This changed in 2020, during lockdown, when TV brought back all those epic sagas. Watching Ramayana  and Mahabharata in adulthood was an entirely different experience and overnight I could feel the gears shifting as mental decolonization set in. Suddenly, I was aware of my Indianness as one by one the layers of western ideology began to erode. Patriotism, or more accurately and appropriately deshbhakti moved from the margin to a more prominent position. The introduction to the wonderful and vast world of Indian Knowledge Systems further cemented the feeling as the distinction between Bharat and India became clearer. 

 A byproduct of this shift was of course an increased political consciousness which, for the first time, made me desperate to vote. So when I heard such dismissal of Bharat on absolutely dumb pretext, I felt not only disbelief but terribly bad at how false narratives can be so convincing that even educated and informed people would turn a blind eye to actual elevation of the country's status in the last decade ! The saddest part is not just this deliberate or constructed blindness but the blame game for the pathetic regional affairs and condition on the neglect from the centre !

How I wish I had enough knowledge, with evidence and at least a reasonable debating skill ! But I'm super proud of the fact that I love being a Bharatiya and would always, always want to be born in this blessed land.

The role played by the man at the helm of Bharat, in making me understand what deshbhakti is undeniable. It is very rare to find a role model whose preaching and practice match so well, and I am inexplicably glad that I am alive, witnessing and capable to understand the transformation my desh is going through now. 

भारत माता की जय

वंदे मातरम

Remembering Bollywood

 There was a time when I used to breathe in Bollywood. So much so that I sometimes claim to be a former walking encyclopedia on the same. Well, why not! I used to pore over all available film magazines, bought audio cassettes of almost every new film, used to wait eagerly to see the 'shorts' of favorite songs on channels like ATN, MTV and Channel V. And the unalloyed joy when the song came on is something unparalleled. Also, making scrapbooks with pictures of actors and fighting with a friend for a picture of SRK -- it was amazing!

I don't know when I lost track of this obsession, and as usual, I attribute it to the time life stepped into employment phase. And in the intervening years Bollywood changed, almost unrecognizably -- dream city got off screen, songs lost intelligible lyrics, a whole new set of people now inhabited the celluloid with a fresh set of values and attitudes. 

Location change is welcome since cinema can introduce new places. It's been good to see more of the heartland and other places along with new dialects of Hindi. But the shift in song style is difficult to digest. It's made worse when good old hits are re-done with changed lyrics. I still wonder if Akshay Kumar felt anything while doing the new "Tip tip barsa pani." I cannot watch the latest version.

What's perhaps most saddening (for me, no offense intended) is to see favourite movies and/or characters now being re-analyzed and categorized under new gen, very correct labels. So, former ideal romantic heroes are now toxic boys, simple, inane stories are now scanned for gender bias/stereotyping/ further toxicity. I realized with a bang while doing a Buzzfeed quiz on "Which Toxic Bollywood Boy is your True Soulmate?" and I got Raj from DDLJ !! 

Still, Bollywood still tenuously holds on to what it once was. It still, albeit occasionally, offers dreams, an escape into a beautiful world, and helps sustain hope.  Of course, this may sound very inappropriate and tacky for many, but anyone who truly enjoyed the old Bollywood would understand the sentiment. 

I, for sure, am immensely proud of having grown up in the golden 90s and feel fortunate to have absorbed the dream, the joy, the excitement and pleasure that the then Bollywood gave me. 

NB:- Bollywood still rocks and always will ! 

Politically Incorrect

 Disclaimer: The following is a purely personal view and is not intended to hurt or distress. 

Once upon a time, hypersensitivity used to be something related to allergens. It was also something that one felt in the formative ages with regard to what others thought about you which had a direct link to nascent self-perception. The first one could be cured with medicines while the second one usually cured itself as one grew up. However, the latter does not seem true any more as emotional/psychological hypersensitivity seems to be on the rise, and moreover as fodder for what now trends as 'cancel culture'.

 Gender is one of the areas where usage of words/pronouns has become so problematic. While an ever-widening gender spectrum is often pitched as inclusiveness, isn't it also somewhat aggravating intolerance? Calling a female by the pronoun 'she' can be offensive since that person could well be 'non-binary'. Moreover, if one so much as mentions how absurd this is, one qualifies as '-phobic'. 

What I still don't understand is the notion of non-binary. There is male and female, which are terms that indicate biological sex. The 'other' is a sociological construct. Well, feminists claim gender (feminine, masculine) itself to be a construct. A quick look at the Wikipedia entry on gender transition is quite baffling due to the sheer number of terms mentioned to refer to people of various orientations. 

Be that as it may, what exactly is gender spectrum other than suggesting a possibility of transitioning from male to female or vice versa? Even in queer relationships, isn't there a male-female equation, where one of the partners is termed as 'husband'?  If this is so, how exactly is a person non-binary?

Even more problematic is the question of transgender. They are often called the 'third gender' and so non-binary, again. But then doesn't a transgender attempt to transition from man to woman or vice versa? This seems to be a volatile issue since beloved JKR has been a recurrent victim of transphobia, which now has alienated her from her friends as well.

So, what exactly is the problem here? If one is so confident and at home with whatever gender/sexuality one chooses, why should a mere pronoun affect them?  

 Oh well! Nowadays it feels that to be normal (oops, potentially offensive again), no, wait, there is a term for that too -- cisgender -- is becoming stale. And by the way, cisgenders are entitled to being offended as well. A lot of people simply assume that being a single woman (that too in the wrong age group) is equivalent to being a lesbian. 

I'm mightily offended !

On the Move

 "Why don't you travel?" "Go for a trip, you'd feel better" -- and other permutations of these have been thrown at me time and again. So much so that I feel traveling is pretty overrated, and rather tedious. For someone who is a daily commuter, travelling may not always be appealing, and I don't think I'm deep enough to feel the transformative experience that journeys are supposed to bring. Anyway, what I've come to understand is, being on the move is much enjoyable than having to get down or flit from destination to destination; provided, there is a window seat.

Even though clueless about wanderlust, I have always been fascinated by trains, Indian Railway to be specific. Railway station has been an important part of my formative years since every weekend I'd be at the railway station with dad, waiting for mom to arrive from her workplace. Equally indispensable part of this trip were the poori masala from railway canteen and the chilled HPMC apple juice, and a comic book or magazine from Higginbotham's.

Spotting the slow moving engine from afar was one of the most exciting feelings and even today when a train is spotted I feel the same. The walk from one end of the platform to another, was yet another interesting part of the weekend visits, along with peeping into the Station Master's room to see the board that showed train positions. 

Coming to think of it, trains are a kind of portal to different lives/worlds. Just observing a family/individual with luggage, waiting to board a long distance train can trigger the imagination to build up a narrative. In my imagination, I've arrived at New Delhi in Rajadhani Express (perhaps the poshest train then); or gone to Mumbai in Jayanti Janta, or thought about the distance covered by Himasagar Express as it traversed the entire length of the country, from Kanyakumari to Jammu Tawi/Katra ! 

How many times have I pretended to be one of the travellers rather than a local !

At a phase when 'favourites' are becoming vague and non-existent, I'm truly glad I have retrieved my love for trains. And I still long to board a long-distance train !

Many ask what I plan to do with my money and life. I guess I now have an answer to that -- I will take tickets for the many trains I've seen leaving the platform; and I'd be inside the train rather than looking at it and imagining its journey.

"safar khoobsurat se manzil se bhi"

Original or Seemingly Original?

ChatGPT has arrived. And suddenly there is an array of impressive possibilities !

I remember hearing about it for the first time during a session on research, a casual of mention of something potentially big. But then, like typical AI behaviour (hear/see/speak something and all your feed is full of that same something), since that day 'ChatGPT' became part of daily parlance, and now it's almost the norm. 

Of course, by now, one shouldn't be all that surprised about the strides AI is making and the pace at which they happen.

Nevertheless, it compels a number of questions, philosophically, foremost among them being authenticity and originality. 

AI/ChatGPT can produce perfect content. Sounds attractive, right? Especially for those who can't write or don't bother to spend energy on putting own to paper. What's more appealing is the fact that such writing is not conventional cut/copy-paste, but content of a rather better standard, and the agent behind it remains concealed and so the product generated is thereby 'original'. Wow !

But then, as this becomes normal, what about people who actually write "originally"? What would they feel if a really good piece of writing gets labelled, even jokingly, as "may be it's ChatGPT"? That's sad. 

AI can mimic sound, face and whatnot.

Instagram is now fast filling with new Bollywood songs redone in old masters' voice. So an Arijith Singh number can now be heard in Rafi Saab/Kishoreda's voice. What exactly is so great about it, I fail to understand. It feels rather odd and undeniably artificial. 

But it is harmless unlike the video call scams which are now on the rise. So, now one has to double check if it's actually the "original" person calling ! 

May be it is too cliched to lament about what the world has come to. After all, it's a post-truth world built upon narratives where virtual and factual reality are decreasingly antonymous. 

Disclaimer:

This is original, human-generated content, part of actual thought process. If any part of it resembles AI standard, it is purely coincidental. 

No technology (other than smart phone) was used in the process of making this. 

The Inevitable

One of the saddest part of growing up (in common parlance 'growing old') is the stuff one gives up, either deliberately or simply out of boredom. While 'good old days' still maintain a stranglehold in strange ways, there is occasional realisation that the list of things no longer enjoyable or exciting are growing longer. 

So, is indifference a part of the usual biological changes or even a hormonal thing? 

While giving up things out of boredom or pronounced indifference seems fine, what's rather painful is having to be vigilant about what one eats. Having to watch calories, and even checking the ingredients for potential threats to vital organs to the struggle to rein in certain stats from reaching the borderline, it's tiresome and mind-numbing. 

I mean, is there anything one can consume without having to consider if it

1) will increase blood sugar

2) contains palmoil

3) has MSG

4) trans, poly, saturated, unsaturated, whatever fats 

It is sure to put one off food for ever, and thereby give up one of the remaining sources of feel-good things. 

Thanks to the phenemenon of information and influence overload, one out five people is a health/nutrition expert who confidently and convincingly proclaim everything tasty as unhealthy. And as substitute, offer colourful looking stuff which are most often bland, and inspiring enough not to fancy food ever. 

Oh well, just another part of life.

So, as certain ads say, have some masala oats if you crave a samosa ! Oh yeah!? Whoever says that has either not had/doesn't like samosa, or is fibbing wholeheartedly. 

Well, whatever !